Happy February! Often celebrated as the season of love, this second month of the year is famously lauded as a time filled with flowers, chocolates, and romantic gestures. Indeed, in a month teeming with arrow-slinging cupids and heart-shaped everything, it’s easy to get swept up in glitz, glamor, and false expectations around what February should be.
And, while February certainly is noteworthy for celebrating romantic love, I firmly believe we should commend love in all its forms – Love focused on partners, love focused on family, love focused on friends, and – perhaps most importantly – love focused on self.
Think about it for a moment: How often do we really invest time and energy in ourselves?
How often do we set and uphold barriers, ask for what we need, and prioritize our own desires? How often do we avoid saying “no” when every fiber of our being is screaming for us to do so, instead saying “yes” and obliging the needs of others at significant cost to ourselves? How often do we put ourselves absolutely last on the list of priorities and to-dos, addressing our own needs only when we have time to do so – which, let’s face it, is never – and approach self-care not as the necessity it is but as a luxury we simply can’t afford to have.
Ladies and gentlemen, pardon my French, but this is an ass-backwards way of living.
When we fail to prioritize ourselves, when we fail to take care of ourselves, when we fail to truly love ourselves, then we ultimately fail not only our own humanity but also the humanity of everyone else around us.
Think about it for a moment: If you constantly put everyone else in your life first and model this to the people you care about, then not only are you neglecting your own happiness and well-being but you’re setting the unhealthy expectation that this is how everyone else should live, too: As self-sabotaging martyrs. Is this really how you want your loved ones – your spouse, your kids, your siblings, your friends – to live? As if life is only valuable when you’re pleasing others, even when it comes at the cost of yourself?
I don’t think so.
Often in our fast-paced world we spend our time, energy, and attention pleasing others. We focus on making our friends and family proud, living up to societal expectations, and avoiding disappointment at every turn. But, in doing so, how often do we actually neglect ourselves?
Peloton instructor Robin Arzón frequently shares that she got a tattoo of a ring on her wedding finger long before she ever met her husband, let alone married him. Indeed, Arzón preaches that she had to marry herself – she had to commit to herself – long before she could seriously commit to anyone else. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, with this symbolic act Arzón promised herself that she would always and forever show up for herself, invest in herself, support herself, and cheer herself on… No. Matter. What.
Wow. Just wow.
But what if we all did this? No, not get tattoos[1], but truly and fully commit to ourselves. Show up for ourselves. Invest in ourselves. Support ourselves. And cheer ourselves on. No. Matter. What. Just think about how good that would feel. Just think about what living this way would unlock. Just think about how beautiful the world would be if we allowed ourselves to step into the most beautiful and authentic versions of ourselves.
So this February celebrate love, in all its forms. Yes, shower your sweetie, your friends, and your family. Mail all the cards, buy all the flowers, and eat all the chocolate. But also make sure to invest in yourself.
For no matter the hardship I face, the joys I witness, or the experiences that come my way, I will forever and always love me.
And that will forever and always be enough.
[1] Unless that’s your jam: Then you do you!
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