Alright, folks it’s already September. In fact, it’s already mid-September. Can you even believe it? I often marvel at how quickly this year is flying by: Where is the time going? How has so much and yet so seemingly little happened in these first nine months? Have we lived up to the goals and accomplishments we originally outlined for ourselves in early January?
And while it’s easy to fixate on how quickly the months have passed thus far – and how little time we seem to have left – it’s important to remind ourselves that there’s still a whole lot of runway left when it comes to 2021. Whether you haven’t necessarily accomplished all that you had hoped you would by this time or whether you’re absolutely killing it this year, 2021 is still far from being over: There’s ample opportunity to make your mark and shape the rest of the year to look and feel how you want it to be.
I absolutely love this season: The transition from summer to fall. While I definitely mourn the ending of the warmest part of the year, there’s always something beautiful about the changing of seasons that simultaneously feels calming, refreshing, and full of possibility. Think about it: The weather is starting to shift, the leaves are slowly beginning to change color, and kids are going back to school. In many ways the world is starting over again, remaking itself new. Maybe you’re currently in school and you’re embarking upon a new chapter of your journey. Or maybe you’ve been outside of the classroom for years now but can still fondly recall those moments where you carefully handpicked your favorite school supplies, diligently laid out elements of your new wardrobe, and daydreamed about the classes you would start, the friends you would make, and the inevitable adventures you were about to have. There’s simply something magical about this time of year: It’s absolutely dripping with possibility. It’s a natural opportunity to step back, take stock of things, and then hit that internal reset button so that you can continue to move forward on the path you want: You choose your own adventure.
That said, this time is also rife with change. And while change isn’t always easy, clear, or even understandable, it is often formative, rich, and critically important to our continued growth. If we don’t change, then we inevitably stagnate: How lucky are we, then, to have a season each year that is practically dedicated to starting new and beginning again? And, as we continue to move forward into this transition, how might we purposely reframe our current lens, realistically evaluate where we’re at – what’s working, what isn’t, and what we want to do differently – and then lean into that potential, fully embracing the lush opportunities that await us? What are the benefits involved if we do this: What becomes possible? And what are the risks if we don’t?
If I’m being honest, as I take stock of where I am at, I’m currently feeling a sense of languishing in this current season of life. And yes, that’s a word: Languishing. Coined by sociologist Corey Keyes and popularized by organizational psychologist Adam Grant in his New York Times article, languishing is a sense of stagnation or even emptiness. Have you recently found yourself feeling a bit aimless, disgruntled, and generally “meh” about most facets of life? Chances are you’re probably languishing.
As Grant writes, when you are languishing “it feels like you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.” It’s not necessarily burnout or depression, but it’s also not joy or a vibrant sense of wellbeing.
But here’s the thing about languishing: If we can recognize that we’re experiencing it, then we can name it and ultimately do something about it. As Grant shares in his article and then further elaborates upon in his recent TedTalk, we can combat the deleterious effects of languishing by finding flow. Notably, we can’t just passively engage in the world around us; rather, we need to find flow and actively inject ourselves into the things that bring us motivation, joy, and purpose.
And how do we achieve flow? According to Grant, it involves mastery, mindfulness, and mattering.
Let’s start with mastery. Notably, mastery doesn’t need to involve a huge transformation or major accomplishment. Instead, it can be a little victory, small win. Maybe that small win looks like cracking open a book and reading a chapter each morning. Maybe it’s getting outside for a brief walk over lunch. Maybe it’s actually putting on real pants for once. Whatever it is, identify something that you can easily tackle and then tackle the heck out of it: You’ll hone that sense of mastery.
Once you’ve achieved mastery, you are ready to transition to the second condition necessary for flow: Mindfulness. Now this may be particularly challenging given the information-rich, constant-access world we live in, mindfulness involves focusing your full attention on one single task. When was the last time you focused – really focused – on any given thing without checking your phone, responding to a text, or thinking about one of the many things on your to-do list? As Grant shares in his TedTalk, when we take moments that could be spent for dedicated focus and squander them with these types of distractions, we ultimately create something called “time confetti” where we take what could be meaningful moments of our lives, and we shred them into increasingly tiny, useless pieces.
Have you been guilty of this recently? I know I have. But if we want to find flow, then we need to build better boundaries: We need to know when to say “no.” What kinds of parameters might you build in your life so that you can intentionally create blocks of uninterrupted time that ultimately blossom into something beautiful, sacred, and treasured? Where might you need to say “no” to unnecessary distractions so you can better say “yes” to yourself?
And once you’re mindful about mindfulness, you can begin to think about mattering. Grant shares that mastery and mindfulness will get you to flow, but mattering ultimately elevates it to a peak experience. Mattering is knowing that you make a difference to other people, and this recognition, in turn, ultimately makes a difference to you. Who are the people who would be worse off if you didn’t exist? These are the people who make your life matter, and you can find flow in partaking in activities, projects, and pastimes that benefit them. What might you to strengthen the impact you have– both on yourself and on others? This is honing your sense of mattering.
Now don’t worry: This isn’t one of those advice-giving moments where I’m going to dissociate myself from the work and fail to make it personal. No, I’m going to practice what I preach and intentionally use Grant’s advice to find my way out of languishing, take action, and achieve flow. And just like he suggested, I’m going to start small. No monumental or earthshattering actions needed here: I’m going to identify something specific and concrete within my realm of control and use it to build mastery, mindfulness, and mattering.
So here’s my challenge to myself: I’m bringing book club back[1].
At the start of 2021 I was involved in three separate book clubs: One with my mom, one with Cam’s mom and sister, and one with the Notre Dame Club of Minnesota’s ND Women Connect group. Each of these groups got together on a regular cadence to discuss a common book and – perhaps more importantly – build a shared experience and connection. For whatever reasons – probably related to time and languishing – I’ve fallen off the metaphorical wagon with each of these book clubs, and I want to bring that rich vibrancy and kinship back to my life. Not only am I not currently reading – something I absolutely love to do – but I’m also not routinely connecting with people I care about, thus missing out on thoughtful conversation and meaningful moments of connection.
Well, no longer: I’m bringing book club back! I’m going to practice mastery by intentionally building in time to read at least one chapter each evening. I’m planning to practice mindfulness by tuning out all distractions while reading – stepping away from my phone, turning off the tv, and dissociating from my greater to-do list – and fully embrace time with my thoughts and a good book. And I’m expecting to practice mattering by making this a shared experience full of connection, accountability, and camaraderie: I’m bringing friends along for the ride with me.
Remember all the shit you said you were going to do in 2021? Remember who you wanted to be? Remember how you wanted to feel? It’s time to revisit those goals, take stock of your progress, and maybe even plan a new path forward. It’s a new start to the school year: Awake from your languishing and find your flow.
Reset.
Recalibrate.
Redefine.
And then get moving.
For the time is now.
It is all we have, and it’s exactly what we need.
[1] Them other boys don’t know how to act. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. If you know, you know.
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