Okay, I promise this post isn’t going to be about my dog…
…Mostly.
Regularly taking Fitz outside to romp around and use the bathroom has given me ample opportunity to reset, let my mind wander, and allow my curiosity to grow. This time together allows me to slow down, regroup, and notice things I otherwise miss. And, here’s one observation I simply can’t shake: Dogs are really good at making new friends.
Have you ever noticed that dogs approach everyone they meet as an opportunity for connection to thrive and magic to happen? With pups, there’s no concept of “strangers” or potential foes. Instead, everyone has the potential to be your new best friend: They just don’t know it yet.
Everywhere Fitz goes it seems he either encounters a new, recently-made buddy, or he identifies an opportunity to add yet another friendly face to his growing list of acquaintances. His approach is flawless, seemingly effortless, and full of nothing but good will and positive intent. And he does it all with a tail wag and constant smile.
And while this skill seems intrinsically natural for my twelve-week-old puppy I find myself watching him in awe and pondering why it can be so challenging for humans to put themselves out there, establish connections, and make new friends. After all, if a puppy can do it, why can’t we?
Think about it: When was the last time you made a new friend as a human adult? No, really think about it. Was it a week ago? A month ago? A year ago? More?
I’m not saying making friends as an adult is impossible or even this rare unicorn-like phenomenon, but it’s also not easy, it’s typically not “comfortable,” and it’s certainly not something we do on a regular basis.
And why is that? It seems dogs have figured out something that evades us. I don’t know if it’s because we’re creatures of habit or if it’s because we become increasingly cynical and decreasingly curious as we age, but typically the older we get the more set in our ways we become. When this happens we are less likely to seek out new opportunities and are therefore also less likely to meet new people and make new friends. As we continue to navigate life and establish ourselves – our likes, dislikes, values, interests, etc. – we tend to naturally seek out like-minded people who in some way remind us of ourselves. It’s what we know, it’s familiar, it’s comfortable. And while that doesn’t mean that we can’t depart from that norm, the less often we do it the more intimidating and improbable it ultimately becomes.
But think about what we’re losing by approaching life this way. Think about what we’re missing out on. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the exact same person I was in college, during my first job, or even a couple a years ago – and that’s a good thing – so why should I only pursue those same friendships? Why wouldn’t I strive to put myself out there and meet new people? Why wouldn’t I prioritize broadening my circle and making connections that might blossom into new, lasting friendships?
So what’s the ticket? What’s the secret sauce when it comes to dogs putting themselves out there and effortlessly making new friends? Spoiler alert: It’s that they aren’t as debilitatingly discerning as we humans are – They don’t let their fears, judgements, or preconceived notions tell a story of what they think may be before they allow themselves to actually connect and learn what is. Dogs see every passerby as an opportunity to connect, as an occasion to make a new friend, and as a chance to learn something new. We humans are born this way too, but we lose that childlike wonder and insatiable curiosity somewhere along the way.
So what if today your “one new thing” was to connect with someone unexpected and new? It doesn’t have to include any grand gestures or overly-involved commitments; rather, what if you focused on a micro moment of connection where you spend just a little more time, go just a tad out of your way, and go just a smidge deeper with someone new? Maybe it’s sending an email or text to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and rekindling a connection with an old friend. Maybe it’s complimenting your barista or mailman and asking them how they’re doing, really. Or maybe it’s going out of your way to finally introduce yourself, actually meet your neighbor, and intentionally create a sense of community in your small sphere of influence. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to making connections, I strive to be more like dogs – open, friendly, and eager to view everyone I meet as a potential new best friend. Let’s take that first step and see what happens.
Whatever you decide to do when it comes to meeting someone new, challenge yourself to be unassuming. Drop your judgements, both of others and of yourself. Get curious and welcome the possibility that inevitably comes with trying something new. If I’ve learned anything from Fitz, I promise you won’t regret it.
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