Here’s one new thing to try today: Decide to be happy.
And no, by “being happy” I don’t mean faking authenticity or plastering on a fake smile; rather, I encourage you to pause, look around, analyze your environment, and see what you start to notice.
Chances are you’ll start to notice a lot.
Wrapped in sunshine and a warm cup of coffee, last Sunday I sat on my couch and read a New York Times article titled “Prolong Those Feelings of Joy” by A.C. Shilton. What caught my attention was the article’s tagline:
“Yes, receiving your vaccine or those first hugs with grandchildren may give you a jolt of happiness, but euphoria, unfortunately, tends to be fleeting.”
This immediately resonated, sparked my interest, and got me thinking. How often do we experience moments of joy, receive glimmers of good news, or live through highly anticipated events feeling all the feels and flying high as a kite only for the experience to end and for us to return to feeling… meh?
Well, we’re human.
So the answer is: All the damn time.
Intrigued, I read further:
“After a year of anxiety and stress, many of us are rediscovering what optimism feels like. And the good news about an increase in available vaccines could not come at a more joyous time.
Spring is the season of optimism. With it comes more natural light and warm weather, both great mood boosters, and some of our most hopeful religious holidays…
…But if you’re expecting your happiness to skyrocket the moment we finish off this pandemic once and for all, think again.
Yes, receiving your vaccine shot, daydreaming about intimate dinner parties or those first hugs with grandchildren may give you a jolt of joy, but euphoria, unfortunately, tends to be fleeting.”
Shilton goes on to interview several professionals who explain we ultimately have evolution to thank for this transient phenomenon. We experience an initial dip or surge when good or bad things transpire, but over time that fluctuation wears off and we settle back to the original happiness level we were at before that event took place. That said, in order to maintain the good vibes that come with positive emotions, we need to put in some effort and make a serious go of it.
Notably, the indie pop group MisterWives released an album last year with a song that explores this very thing. Titled, “decide to be happy,” the track begins with lead vocalist Mandy Lee singing,
“Music, it saved me
But it drives me crazy
‘Cause it forces my eyes, to take a look and see
Got to decide to be happy
‘Cause it don’t always come naturally
Been feelin’ like a stranger in my body
I haven’t been myself in a while, I’m sorry (I’m sorry)
Got to decide to be happy (happy)
‘Cause it don’t always come naturally.”
Are you going a bit “crazy” these days? Are you feeling like a stranger in your own body? Does “happiness” not seem like your first, most natural reaction right now? Yeah, a year-long pandemic can do that to you. But here’s the thing: You’re not alone.
Lee continues:
“Cause, don’t grow without the rain
And goodness, don’t grow without the pain
Flowers, don’t grow without the rain
Goodness, don’t grow without the pain
I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy.”
It’s true: Flowers don’t grow without the rain. We need the difficult times, the gray days, and the unrelenting deluge of water in order to grow, come alive, and become more resiliently beautiful versions of ourselves. We need to be forged in fire so that we can make it through to the other side stronger and better than ever.
But make no mistake: This is no easy feat. Just because we need challenge doesn’t make it simple, fun, or painless. In fact, challenge often tests our mettle and measures our resilience in—you guessed it—very challenging ways.
That said, what I love about this MisterWives song is that it both acknowledges and celebrates happiness as a choice. We aren’t guaranteed a positive result; we aren’t promised flowers at the end of the rain. Rather, we need to fortify ourselves and make a conscious decision that all our struggle, all our strife, and—yes—all our challenge will ultimately be worth something bigger, bolder, and more beautiful than we could have possibly imagined. And it all starts with a choice: We need to decide to be happy.
Luckily, science is on our side, and research has proven that making happiness a daily practice is both possible and highly effective. Indeed, researchers have honed in on several strategies that help provide direction and hope even when the path to happiness doesn’t look or feel particularly clear:
It’s okay not to feel okay: Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. If that means you’re anxious, then be anxious. If that means you’re disappointed, then be disappointed. If that means you’re elated, then be freaking elated. Remember: Feelings are meant to be felt. Don’t push them aside.
Savor the good stuff (and everything else, too): Big, exciting milestones are undeniably fun and inherently rewarding, but be sure to “stop and smell the roses” and savor the seemingly small stuff, too. Spring is perhaps the most effective season for helping us remember there is joy in the everyday, and even something simple like witnessing the ice melt or hearing birds chirp for the first time in months can feel special if we take a moment to savor it. So keep your eyes open, and next time something good happens stop, acknowledge, and appreciate it for the small joy it brings.
Marvel as much as you can: Research shows a strong correlation between happiness and good health, and cultivating a sense of awe has been found particularly effective. Not only does awe prompt us to be more aware, perceptive, and appreciative, but it also makes us more generous and focused on others. Again, it doesn’t take much to marvel; Next time you go on a walk, leave your mental checklist at the door and focus on finding as many wonders as you possibly can along the way.
Be grateful and kind: Tim McGraw says it best, “always stay humble and kind,” and this is especially important when cultivating happiness. Acts of kindness have been known to boost happiness levels. So choose to be kind, and you’ll benefit both others and yourself.
Realize happiness alone isn’t enough: Mental health is serious, and it needs to be normalized and more widely talked about. And while there are certain steps we can take to cultivate our happiness, we also need to recognize when we might experience things that are bigger than we can handle alone. As Shilton sites in the article, the opposite of depression is not happiness; rather, “the opposite of depression is no longer being depressed.” That said, clinical depression should be treated by a mental health professional; keep track of how you’re feeling, and get the appropriate help as needed.
Break out your calendar: While we are still swimming through what feels like infinite gray area and navigating numerous ambiguities, we can start planning future events and milestones that provide hope and elevate optimism. In fact, sometimes just anticipating an experience can be as pleasurable as the thing itself, so it’s never too soon to start planning that next joyous milestone.
Well friends, there it is. Happiness is not simple, painless, or promised. In fact, it is often fleeting and always in short supply. And while we will never achieve a state of perpetual joy, we can view happiness as a practice and intentionally cultivate more moments that light up our lives. So feel your feelings, express gratitude, savor the moment, and marvel at the everyday miracle that is life.
Choose to be happy.
And never stop planning to be surprised.
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