Today marks day four of Quarantine 2020[1].
Schools are out.
Stores are closed.
Most major corporations are instituting work from home policies.
People are scalping toilet paper and paper towels like they’re Hamilton tickets.
Armageddon is upon us, people.
I’d say things are going swimmingly.
If you’ve just woken up from a long winter’s nap or returned from a 7-day silent meditation retreat, then you have a lot to catch up on.
To put it mildly, Coronavirus has taken the world by storm.
…All 50 States have been impacted.
…Tom Hanks has been impacted[2].
…Grossly disturbing phrases like “in these unprecedented times” and “in our current climate” have been used far too many times for me to ever unhear[3].
…Every (single) email list I’ve ever subscribed to has reached out with a letter from the company’s CEO dashing any hopes I may have garnered about achieving stress relief by way of retail therapy.
…Out of pure desperation I’ve created a reverse-paper chain to chronicle our period of forced isolation. With each passing day, instead of removing a link to count down to an exciting milestone or fun event, I add a link to document our tale of woe and cement our history so generations to come will know our story long after we’ve perished[4].
In other words, life as we know it is quickly changing.
I fully acknowledge that what is happening is new, ambiguous, and deeply frightening. However, rather than losing ourselves in the raucous chaos that permeates our every waking moment, let’s make an intentional, concerted effort to take the necessary health precautions and tune out all the other noise so we can safeguard our mental sanity during these coming weeks.
With this resolution in mind, I can think of no better color to blog about than “wisteria,” the soft purple hue synonymous with a popular genus of flowering plant. Historically, wisteria symbolizes long life, immortality, grace, and endurance. Notably, an abundance of wisteria also signifies humanity’s expanding consciousness, which is particularly appropriate now as we are routinely bombarded by a deluge of endless information and could all benefit from being a bit more intentional in thinking about our thinking. Wisteria represents exploration, the release of burdens, and victory over hardships. Woah: Eerily timely, right?
During this “current climate” and these “unprecedented times[5]”, let’s all do ourselves a favor and choose to focus on the “wisteria” amidst the hysteria.
There are an abundance of resources to help you establish a regular routine and cultivate a positive mindset as you transition into our “new normal.” Do some digging and experiment until you find what works best for you. Looking for inspiration? Here are a few things that have kept me sane over the past several days:
Peloton[6]: Gym closed as a result of COVID-19? Well that simply won’t do. It isn’t rocket science that physical activity is a critical ingredient for staying sane during long periods of anxiety-producing uncertainty and isolation. In other words, we need our workouts more than ever, people! Well, fear not: It’s Peloton to the rescue! Over the last couple of days, the exercise company has expanded its free two-week app trial to a free 90-day subscription to 1) meet the needs of restless people everywhere and 2) not-so-subtly encourage more and more people to hop on the Peloton bandwagon. From now until the end of time I have scheduled a “Peloton sanity break” over my lunch hour, and, after four days of living in the wild, wild west, I can tell you this: It has been a GAME CHANGER. Regardless of your (egregiously misinformed) thoughts about Peloton, this free 90-day trail is a huge freaking deal, and you should promptly take advantage of it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sign up now. Do it. Now.
Plants: Okay, okay: I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record. Peloton? Plants? Katie, we get it! But, in all honesty, thus far my plants have played an integral role in keeping my sanity in check. There’s just something pure, gratifying, and uncomplicated about plants, and they ease anxiety and brighten perspective in an extremely low-maintenance way few other things can. Working from home and need a brain break? Spend some time caring for your plants! A couple days ago I decided to step away from my computer and give my Monstera Deliciosa a “bath[7].” As silly as it may sound, this simple action provided a welcomed escape from the task at hand and reset my perspective so I could take a step back, clear my mind, and begin to notice the small, ever-important details of that which surrounds me. Sure, you can call me a “crazy plant lady.” But, if I’m “crazy,” then there’s a certain rightness to my wrongness.
Cardi B and all her Internet minions: Okay, the woman is straight up un-hinged. True. But, she’s also pretty great. The stripper-turned rapper’s online reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic recently went viral and has since inspired countless adaptations, GIFs, and remixes. Check it out for yourself. (Note: This is explicit. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. After all, it is Cardi B.)
“CORONAVIRUS! SH*T is real! SH*T is getting real!”
I’m sorry, but what?!
Don’t find this funny? Give THIS Cardi B-inspired spoof below a“go.” If this little guy doesn’t make you laugh, then Coronavirus just might not be your most pressing concern in life…
Alcohol: I know everyone is stocking up on toilet paper and paper towels[8], but I feel like this doomsday recipe is missing a few key ingredients. During my Target run last Friday I absolutely stocked up on canned goods, frozen foods, and hand soap, but you better believe I also added beer and wine as critical survival “must-haves.” How did other people not have this same thought? While I was astounded to find the paper goods aisle depleted, I was even more shocked that the alcohol aisle was locked and loaded, fully-stocked and ready for the plundering. Others may not be thinking about this, but me, I’ll be ready. No matter how long we are cooped up, I think I’ll be just fine. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take my quarantin-i shaken, not stirred.
Niall Horan’s new album: Music in general does wonders for the lonely soul, but a few days ago I stumbled upon Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather and couldn’t be more enthused: This album is perfectly delightful. “Small Talk.” “Nice To Meet Ya.” “Put A Little Love On Me.” Glorious. Highly recommend. Plus, if you listen and like what you hear, Horan’s got a pretty hilarious episode of Carpool Karaoke with James Corden out there where he openly discloses the (wildly hilarious) first email address he ever used: da_pimp_is_ere@hotmail.com[9].
Warmer weather: Has it been perfect out? Absolutely not. But spring is here people, and it has reached the mid 40s in Minnesota. I call that a win. Plus, as I stare out my window in deep, contemplative thought, I derive tremendous joy in watching the small body of water outside our apartment window—which I have, for whatever reason, recently started calling “Lake Titicaca[10]”—slowly begin to thaw. It’s truly the little things in life, people.
Society’s Collective Sense of Humor: Perhaps there’s no better time than a pandemic for all the Internet weirdos to come together and unite on behalf the greater, humor-loving common good. I have particularly enjoyed memes relaying sentiments like: “Attn: Knitters and crocheters. Do not fear self-quarantine. This is what we have been training for.” and “Many parents are just about to discover the teacher was not the problem…”
Working from home? There is no shortage of YouTube videos that feel the pain of your new conference call lifestyle. Needing a fun spin on cleanliness? Explore the many customizable generators, such as THIS site that allows you to create unique, punchy hand-washing charts with any song of your choosing[11]. Even Spotify has a sense of humor, with countless users creating playlists such as “Quarantine Spirit” highlighting songs about isolation, loneliness, and getting the heck away from people[12]. Buzzfeed articles like THIS are pretty great, too[13]! There’s no shortage of fun COVID-19 humor.
Now, let me be clear about something. I’m not in any way trying to minimize, undermine, or satirize the seriousness of Coronavirus. The fact that thousands of people across the country are asked to stay home, avoid travel, and suspend contact with groups larger than ten is as unprecedented as it is terrifying. Coronavirus is real, and the impact is monumental in a deeply disturbing, anxiety-inducing way. It is crucial we accept this new reality, embrace our ever-changing world, and take the proper precautions to mitigate further infection so we can stop this virus in its tracks. Please follow the rules and consider the larger social impact before acting on personal impulses, but don’t lose your mind while doing so. Find the little things that bring you joy and pursue them whole-heartedly.
There’s a lot of noise out there. But not all of it is bad. Yes, we are in the midst of navigating a pandemic. But who says we can’t laugh along the way?
Choose to buy into the “wisteria,” not the hysteria.
I promise it will make these next several weeks exponentially more livable and—dare I say it?—perhaps even enjoyable.
This, too, shall pass.
Happy “day four,” everyone.
[1] What? No one is calling it that? Bummer: They should be!
[2] Not Forest! As one individual astutely described, “now we all have someone we love” affected by COVID-19. True that. On the bright side, at least he has Wilson to keep him company.
[3] I mean, honestly, people: Could we be any more dramatic? I get this is serious, unprecedented, and terrifying, but can we please do ourselves a huge favor and collectively eliminate these phrases from our new social vocabulary? Just. Stop. Cut the line(s) and craft some new material.
[4] How long will it get? No one knows: That’s part of the fun! I have a feeling, though, that by the end of this madness it will be long enough for me to toss over the Mississippi River and create a pseudo-zipline I can use to (finally!) visit my friends in St. Paul. See? Silver lining. Take THAT, Coronavirus!
[5] I’m sorry: I just couldn’t help myself!
[6] Need I say more? I think by now we all know my feelings on this topic…
[7] What? She was thirsty! And let’s be honest: I put her in the sink and turned on the spray faucet. It was definitely more of a shower than a bath.
[8] Paper towels? Really, people? What is it that you have to clean? When I think “prepare for the end of the world” I can list about 500 other essential items I would buy before even thinking about adding paper towels to my shopping list. Toilet paper, I totally get. Valid: Use it. Please. But paper towels? …Yeah, I just don’t get it.
[9]da_pimp_is_ere@hotmail.com? Really? I. Can’t. Even. It’s a miracle they let him into One Direction and he ever became famous. I’m still dying.
[10] Lake Titicaca?! …What am I, a sixth-grade boy?! You’re better than that, Katie! Well, apparently not. Isolation plays strange tricks on the mind…
[11] I don’t know about you, but I’m “Feelin’ Good as Hell” about where I landed with this Lizzo-inspired PSA. Say “buh-bye” to “100% that B”… Bacteria, that is.
[12] Well played, “Quarantine Spirit.” Well played. I particularly appreciate the inclusion of “Don’t Come Around Here No More,” “U Can’t Touch This,” and “Don’t Stand So Close To Me.” Let’s remember to maintain at least six feet of social distancing, phuu-leaseee.
[13] If you’re anything like me, it will take you an inordinately long amount of time to deduce what the word for #16 actually should be. Wait for it. Wait for it… Still don’t have it? Yeah, me neither. (It’s “this.” Wait. Really?! SH*t! I should have gotten that!)
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