Aloha, “Pacific Blue”

Nothing says paradise quite like the Hawaiian Islands. Sure you can visit numerous tropical destinations that boast swaying palm trees, fantastic beaches, and luxuriously temperate weather, but there are few places on earth where you can truly embrace the spirit of aloha.

My family loves Hawaii so dearly that my parents have even dedicated a shrine space in their home paying homage to the state. Indeed, the guest bedroom, or “Hawaii Room” as we affectionately call it, is decked to the nines with photos, souvenirs, and other memorabilia celebrating some of our favorite family vacations. It has been five years since we last visited the islands, and my parents were eager to set aside time where we could all come together, take a break from the rat race, and connect on island time.

 I have had the privilege of visiting all four major Hawaiian Islands (Kaua’i, Oahu, Maui, and Hawaii), and, while every island is compelling in its own way, Kaua’i certainly steals my heart. The Garden Island has it all: The beaches, the rainforests, the greenery, the chickens[1]. Oh, and did I mention the Nā Pali Coast? The island’s north shore definitely houses its crown jewel, seventeen coastline miles of gorgeous emerald cliffs that give the impression of veins or horrifyingly large dinosaur claws. The terrain is rugged and untouched; its razor-sharp ridges and natural beaches remain preserved in the condition ancient Polynesian voyagers would have found when discovering the island centuries ago. In fact, the Nā Pali Coast is so unmarred that visitors can only travel it by sea or by air in order to preserve its beauty forever.

There is something almost primeval about Kaua’i, something raw, ancient, and other that piques my curiosity and makes me hungry to explore the unknown. Perhaps it is no surprise then that Kaua’i has served as the backdrop for a litany of major blockbuster films like The Descendants, Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, George of the Jungle, and Mighty Joe Young. Clearly Kaua’i is built of the stuff fantasy is made of, and the island has served as Hollywood’s favorite tropical back lot since the early 1930s.

In preparation for our trip, Cam and I rented a sizable stack of movies and documentaries that were filmed in Kaua’i. While our eyes were bigger than our movie-watching stomachs[2], we skipped from film to film in eager anticipation of what we would soon experience firsthand. We also designed an extensive packing list—which I may or may not have named “Aloha, Hawaii”—and listened to our fair share of Jack Johnson and Israel Kamakawiwoʻole as our excitement continued to build.

To take this a step further, Cam took it upon himself to research the Hawaiian language, and he even learned a few common phrases like “mahalo” (thank you) and “noʻu ka hauʻoli” (you’re welcome). He also focused on names for the local wildlife we anticipated seeing, such as the sea turtle (Honu) and Hawaiian state fish (Humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa). Unfortunately for me, Cam quickly decided his favorite phrase was “pupule wahine[3]” and did not hesitate to whip out this “affectionate” moniker and pronounce it with unbridled glee any time he could possibly deem fitting[4].

Even before taking off, this had the makings of a memorable vacation.

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Day #1: Crossing the Pacific

Our tropical adventures began as any trip to Hawaii does: With a whole lot of air travel. It is 4,006 miles from Minneapolis to Kaua’i, which breaks down to approximately eleven hours of air time. Intense, right? Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on your flying preferences—traveling from Minnesota typically involves making at least one connection somewhere else in the continental United States. For Cam and I this involved flying to Denver (where we would catch the same flight as my parents) and then flying directly from Denver to Lihue, Kaua’i. While we had certainly planned for a lot of downtime, we were excited to make the haul across the Pacific in two trips and hook up with family for the bulk of our travel.

The best laid plans…

As soon as we fastened our seatbelts in Minneapolis the pilot came over the intercom informing us we were going to be grounded due to an intense, debilitating fog that had settled over Denver. Immediately we took to our flight apps[5] that confirmed the delay but failed to specify its duration. Cam did some digging and saw the Denver airport was experiencing 0 miles of visibility—great!—and yet there was absolutely no fog to be found anywhere else in the Denver area. Our pilot provided routine updates with any information he could glean, and we anxiously sat and crossed our fingers that the delay would not impact our connecting flight.

Finally we were able to successfully take off, but our prospects did not seem promising: As a result of our delayed departure we were now slotted to land approximately ten minutes after our Denver flight was set to depart. I spent the next couple hours tirelessly refreshing travel information on my phone and updating my parents (who were en route from Chicago). I was so immersed in travel logistics that I honestly couldn’t tell you anything about that flight. At one point our timing recalibrated so that we were estimated to land mere minutes before our next flight departed, and, seeing as our inbound and outbound gates were located right next to one another I maintained an inkling of faith that this would all work out.

And yet, the travel stars were not aligned, and we ended up missing our flight by a whopping eight minutes. Cam and I were the only passengers on the Denver flight with connections to Kaua’i, and the second plane would not wait for us. Hopes dashed, we landed in the mile-high city to learn that United had automatically updated our travel plans: We would now travel to LA and then from LA we would finally make our way to Kaua’i.   Although we would have a five hour layover at LAX this was relatively good news because we would still arrive in Hawaii on the same day, albeit several hours later. We safely arrived in California with nothing but time to kill and decided to check out the United Club[6] where we enjoyed a luxurious oasis removed from the typical chaos that defines everyday airport travel. We settled in with our complimentary food and drink for several hours of good-natured banter and alcohol-fueled people watching. All in all, it was the most enjoyable airport experience I have ever had. When life gives you layovers…

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Several hours and time zones later we finally landed in Lihue. Reunited with my parents, the four of us stopped for a quick bite to eat and then promptly crashed, eager to refuel and stock up on sleep so the true adventure could begin!

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Day #2: We’ve Got To Get To The Sea[7]

Bodies confused from traversing several time zones in one 24-hour period, Cam and I both stirred well before sunrise. Even within the dark confines of our room we could hear waves crashing against the shoreline and feel the ocean’s looming presence. Cam looked to me and said:

“The ocean is out there. I want to go outside and play!”

My sentiments exactly.

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After downing some much needed coffee and slapping on some sunscreen, the four of us headed out for the quick jaunt to Shipwreck Beach. The morning was still and untouched, save for the thunderous cacophony of the waves as they grew in huge swells before pummeling the sandy shoreline. We have visited Shipwreck Beach before, but never have the waves been this aggressive and alive. Given our excitement, we were some of the first few people present at this early hour and quickly plopped down our towels, kicked off our flip-flops and ran towards the ocean.

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Boom! Crash!

The water was so forceful it took my breath away, and as the magnitude of the Pacific thundered past me wave after wave I could not help but give myself over to its power. The four of us hopped around like little kids experiencing the water for the first time, tentatively submitting one part of our bodies to the water before eventually gaining trust and diving in headfirst. The waves flipped us, dipped us, and spit us out… And we absolutely loved it! As I looked from Mom to Dad to Cam, everyone was beaming with jovial, liberated grins. The ocean dumped infinite amounts of sand into our hair, skin, and swimsuits, but we could not help ourselves from guffawing with sheer delight as we reveled in the paradoxically raucous tranquility this simple moment at the beach provided.

Once we had our fill, we dried off and headed a few miles west to Spouting Horn. This area on the southern coast of Kaua’i is particularly known for its crashing waves, which have prompted the lava rocks to erode and form narrow openings in the rocks. Over time one particularly large opening formed. Water shoots through the crevice with every crashing wave[8] and creates a sound that fluctuates between heavy breathing and ominous hissing. Thus, Spouting Horn was born.

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After perusing the local vendors that dot the area surrounding Spouting Horn Park, we stopped at nearby Poipu Beach where we rented boogie boards and snorkeling gear before taking a break to enjoy some delicious shave ice[9].

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Then, we made our way northeast to Kapa’a. There, we rented bikes at Coconut Coasters and took our wheels for a spin along the coastline on the Ke Ala Hele Makalae trail. The views were surreal, and we had a blast cruising alongside the impressive Pacific.

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Shortly after our excursion we headed to the airport to pick up my brother, Ryan, the last remaining vacation-goer to join our party. We returned to the island’s southern side, feasted on a delicious Hawaiian meal, and excitedly discussed everything tomorrow would hold.

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Day #3: The Grand Canyon of the Pacific

Sunday was packed with adventure. The five of us hopped in the van and drove northwest to Waimea Canyon. Affectionately named the Grand Canyon of the Pacific, the natural wonder spans approximately fourteen miles long, 1 mile wide, and more than 3,600 feet deep. The road through the canyon ends at Kalalau Lookout, where we parked for a jaw-dropping vista of the Kalalau Valley stretching out to the sea. Notably, this view offered our first glimpse of the Nā Pali Coast, and we stood in silence as we experienced the landscape’s majesty. Given its geographical makeup, the area is often shrouded in mysterious clouds that add to the mystique but complicate visibility. And yet, by some stroke of luck we were fortunate to experience a crystal clear day.

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Soon we embarked on the Pihea Trail. While the trail only spans a couple of miles, it is extremely steep and—depending on recent rainfall—shoe-threateningly muddy. The terrain along the trail is diverse and otherworldly, and much of the vegetation resembles something you might encounter in a Dr. Seuss book. Between pausing to appreciate the flora, pausing to take in the sweeping panoramic views of the Kalalau Valley, and pausing to catch our breath from what at times felt like a solely vertical ascent, we left no part of the trail untouched and took our time to fully appreciate the island’s natural beauty.

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Once we finished our hike, we returned to the lookout for a picnic and then drove down the road to appreciate canyon views at several additional points. During one stop, we purchased fresh pineapple, mango, coconut, and papaya from local vendors and eagerly savored our unexpected tropical treat!

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On our way home we stopped at the Kaua’i Coffee Company in Kalaheo to casually sip piping hot java while learning more about local agriculture. Notably 4 million coffee trees grow on 3,100 acres, making Kaua’i Coffee Company the largest coffee plantation in the United States. The brilliant Pacific sun[10], prolific mountain rain, rich volcanic earth, and cool coastal winds generate ideal conditions for growing flavorful, robust coffee teeming with Hawaiian flavor. We nursed seemingly endless complimentary samples of different brews[11] and enjoyed strolling through the gardens for a self-guided plantation tour. The experience certainly deepened my love and appreciation for all things coffee, and we left Kaua’i Coffee Company overloaded on caffeine and ready to go after a long day’s hike.

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Day #4: Something Smells Fishy

Monday morning we woke up early—very early[12]— and drove to Port Allen for a daylong fishing excursion. Now, I don’t particularly love fishing, but I do enjoy spending time outside with good company. Dad and Cam—the two fishermen in the group—were particularly excited for this excursion, so there was nothing to do but play along and feed into their excitement. How many fish would we catch that day?

Watching the sunrise was exquisite: We were completely immersed in the deep purples, brilliant reds, and infectious oranges of the Kaua’i morning. Because we were one of the only boats in the water it felt like we had exclusive front row seats to the best show in town.

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Action found us quickly. We were in the midst of quietly enjoying the sunrise when one of the seven rods sounded with a sharp snap, instantly prompting everyone on board to scurry into action. Dad and Jake—one of our guides—immediately began efforts to secure the catch, and as soon as Dad situated himself in what I affectionately referred to as the “dentist’s chair,” another sharp snap sounded from the right side of the boat: We had another fish! This one was Cam’s for the taking, and he raced to begin reeling in his line. The excitement was palpable: Dad and Cam were frantically working, eagerly racing to keep up with the feisty fish at the other ends of their lines when all of a sudden… Snap!… we had yet another fish! This time it was Ryan who raced to the boat’s left side.

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It was quite the sight to behold: The three boys strategically scattered across the back of the boat, wrestling the weight of each respective fish that would come aboard. One by one three Bluefin Tuna appeared from the water, about 20-25 pounds each. The guides secured the fish in the livewell while we exchanged high fives and replayed the scene out loud, relishing our good fortune and savoring the excitement. Thinking the fervor had died down, I quickly excused myself to use the restroom, and as I was making my way back up the stairs I heard another series of excited shouts.

“Fish on the line!”

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Before I knew what was happening, we had secured not one, but two more bites! In a matter of minutes, Cam, Dad, and Mom worked as a team to reel in two additional tuna. We couldn’t believe our luck! If we had experienced this kind of success only forty-five minutes into our eight-hour excursion, then this was certainly going to be an exciting day on the water!

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I suppose our five tuna must have somehow signaled the other fish to steer clear of our vessel, because seven uneventful hours followed the morning’s intense excitement. While we proceeded to have a few nibbles and hopeful prospects—including what our guide swore was a 300 pound Marlin; that would have been cool!—we must have worn out our luck at the beginning of the trip and did not land any more fish for the remainder of the day. As a result, the boat ride included scenic views of the coastline and several well-deserved naps. When we docked back in the harbor the guides flayed one of the fish for us to take home and cook. We spent the rest of the day lounging and recuperating from a day in the sun. At night we grilled up some fish, veggies, and black bean burgers[13] and chatted contentedly as Jack Johnson crooned under the vivid Pacific constellations.

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Day #5: Finding Nemo

Inspired to interact with fish in a slightly different way, the next morning we headed north for a day of snorkeling and hiking. Captivated by its inviting blue waters, we stopped at Anini Beach and began to don our snorkel gear. Unlike the aggressive waves on the island’s south side, the north shore is home to calm, clear water that is perfect for snorkeling this time of year. We spent hours exploring the reef and discovering countless types of fish including Achilles Tang, Parrotfish, Black Triggerfish, and, of course, Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. While we never did find Nemo[14] we were able to hang out with many of his friends, and this tranquil time spent at Anini Beach piqued our curiosity and deepened our appreciation for everything the ocean has to offer.

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After picnicking on the beach and warming our salty bodies in the sun we headed into the small town of Hanalei where we briefly[15] visited Hanalei Bay and grabbed shave ice at JoJo’s. We all agreed JoJo’s offerings are significantly smoother and more flavorful[16] than the shave ice we had previously tasted, and we eagerly sought temporary refuge from the brilliant Hawaiian sun as we devoured our refreshing tropical treats.

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Sufficiently cooled, we continued our trek towards the start of the Kalalau Trail. The trail runs eleven miles along the Nā Pali Coast from Keʻe Beach to the Kalalau Valley we had first overlooked when visiting Waimea Canyon. Notably, the hike has been named one of the most beautiful, treacherous trails in the world. While visitors need a permit to hike all eleven miles, permits are not needed to hike the two miles to Hanakāpīʻai Beach and back (four miles round trip). While four miles doesn’t necessarily sound too treacherous, the Kalalau trail hosts a series of deep valleys, sheer cliffs, and steep ascents. Add mud and an unrelenting sun[17] into the mix, and you have the makings of one challenging hike. We savored the first half of our trek, stopping to take pictures and soak up the surreal scenery as we casually made our way to Hanakāpīʻai Beach.

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The experience was out of this world, and when we finally arrived at the beach we were thrilled to strip off our hiking shoes, lose our sweaty socks, and dip into the cool ocean waves. As we raced to the water we were pleasantly surprised to discover an endangered Monk Seal scooting his way along the beach in pursuit of the perfect sandy hideaway to settle in for an afternoon nap. We also spent time recuperating in a fresh water pool that offered a reprieve even slightly more refreshing than the ocean’s salty offering.

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Round two proved particularly daunting—the sun had only gotten hotter as the day progressed—and steep ascents with little to no shade and a dwindling water supply made for a slow, cautious return to the car. That said, we took our time, kept our spirits high, and were elated when we finally made it down the last tangle of rocks and trees to hear the sound of roosters crowing that signaled hiking success: We had made it!

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Desperately needing to recharge our batteries we cooled off and drove the twenty minutes or so back to Hanalei where we ate at Tahiti Nui, an impossibly quaint local dive bar. The restaurant has been open since the early 1960s and was featured in The Descendants when George Clooney and Beau Bridges have a heart-to-heart conversation on a couple of vinyl-covered, rickety bar stools. We came for the Hollywood and stayed for the food: Tahiti Nui boasts delicious plates you can enjoy with breezy patio seating and unparalleled mountain views.   Over our delicious meal we enjoyed recounting stories of the wildlife we had experienced and the impossible hike we had just completed. Bellies full, we climbed back in the car, headed home, and promptly collapsed in our beds: It didn’t take long for the sounds of the Pacific to lull us to sleep.

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Day #6: Captains JC and Jessie vs. The Hula Girls

Wednesday was another early morning filled with quick caffeine on the porch, swimsuits, and sunscreen. We headed to the Kikiaola Boat Harbor for a Zodiac boat tour of the Nā Pali Coast with Blue Ocean Adventure Tours. As we slathered on more sunscreen and organized our dry bags our guides gave numerous warnings about the highly intense nature of this trip. Anyone with a medial condition, fear of water, propensity for seasickness, or aversion to traveling at high speeds should turn around now: This wasn’t the tour for you.

Having agreed to the eyebrow-raising terms and conditions of whatever it was we were about to embark on, we quickly boarded our boat. Three traditional seats lined the back of the boat, but we were told these were the “princess seats” reserved for the overly pampered and the incurably seasick. Instead, we were instructed to sit on the flotation-like perimeter of the vessel, grab onto the adjoining ropes, and tuck our bare toes into the “feet belt” ropes located below.

We met our captains, JC and Jessie, the company’s only all-female boat crew. Before we took off, JC warned us large swells would make it particularly white-knucklingly difficult to move from the harbor to the open ocean.

“We are going to wait until the waves break and time our move to minimize impact, but it’s really important that everyone hold on tightly,” she cautioned. “This may be the fastest we go all day. Now wait for it…”

Pauses a beat.

“…Oh look! It’s go time! Hold on!”

Zoom!

With that, she hit the gas (Cam saw the speedometer reach 58 mph) and tore off like a bat out of hell, ripping through the water and navigating the waves like a madwoman. Hearts racing, ocean mist splashing into our eyes, knuckles gripping the rope in sheer terror: We were alive!

As soon as we successfully cleared the swells and exited the harbor JC paused for a brief check: “Did everyone enjoy that?” Once she received confirmation that all her passengers were still alive and well, she promptly took off again at 50 mph. As soon as Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)” started blaring through the speakers I knew this was going to be a great day.

Jessie and JC spotted dolphins before we hit the Nā Pali Coast, and we stopped and watched as several pods cut and jumped through the clear water, visibly enjoying the pressure sensation our boat created. We even saw several baby dolphins—no bigger than little footballs spinning through the air—swimming alongside their mothers: It was quite the encounter!

Soon we were back on track, speed cranked, music bumping loudly on the speakers, and boat wildly catapulting through the water with a surprising level of grace and ease. It quickly became apparent that JC is an expert boat captain—this certainly wasn’t her first rodeo—and she navigated the swells with an impressive level of comfort, confidence, and nonchalance. She even had a killer playlist lined up, playing everything from 90s throwbacks to modern hits to popular country music. As Cam and I sang along with the lyrics— “Man, we live it up, down, up, down: We live it up, down here”—we looked around the boat and saw nothing but smiles.

Soon we reached that breathtaking expanse of coastline we just couldn’t help but coming back to again and again. As we took in the awesome views of the Nā Pali Coast Jessie pointed out several specific areas that have served as intentional backdrops in popular Hollywood blockbusters. JC also used this opportunity to direct our attention to several sea caves. At first I thought we were going to sidle up parallel to the caves and explore them from afar; however, our boat moved closer and closer to the shoreline until suddenly JC yelled, “Hold on!”

Once again, we were in motion!

Before I knew what was happening JC hit the gas, switched her music to blast Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” and whipped towards the cave with unforgiving speed. Within seconds we were shrouded in utter darkness—we had entered the cave itself—and were rapidly picking up speed with no apparent end in sight. As we propelled through the abyss I had the eerie feeling I was riding a much scarier, much realer version of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World. The boat aggressively turned—the cave apparently made a sort of donut shape—and soon, just like that, we exited from a second entrance and were back in the daylight. JC quickly cut the engine and made the salute of a gymnast who has successfully completed a difficult stunt. Everyone erupted with applause: Now that was fun!

Once we regrouped JC took us back through the cave—much more slowly this time and with an appropriate song change to match the calmer mood—and explained its history and significance. Venturing inside something so untouchable and otherwise removed from human contact was surreal, and the experience certainly served as a powerful reminder of nature’s greater grandeur.

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We continued to tour the majestic coastline when Jessie signaled for JC to stop the boat. We had reached an iconic spot where the tour group typically encourages vacationers to take pictures, and Jessie walked us through how to get the perfect action shot. We positioned ourselves according to her instructions, crouching, squatting, and leaping into the air. It was the perfect backdrop; the Nā Pali coastline felt as if it might reach out and cradle us before we fell into the cool blue Pacific.

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JC navigated to a snorkeling beach once we had all re-boarded and dried off. Again we had the opportunity to glide through the crystal blue waters and spy on several species of colorful fish as they flitted in and out of the impressive coral. I may or may not have found a few fishy favorites that I made a point of snorkel-stalking, and it was thrilling to watch the different fish navigate their surroundings from my fly-on-the-wall perspective.

Lunch followed snorkeling, and we returned to the beach to feast on traditional Hawaiian food under the palm trees’ cool shade. When we had eaten our fill of pineapple, Jessie took us on a little tour of an ancient Hawaiian fishing village and walked us through the history of several different cultural sites. We learned about a scaffolded platform made of rock the ancient Hawaiians used as a theatre to hold luaus and perform hula, and we even witnessed one of three famous “X’s” that are said to make up the Polynesian Triangle.

According to Hawaiian culture, Pele, the goddess of fire and volcanoes, played an integral role in forming the islands (and all of Polynesia, for that matter). In the process of forming Kaua’i out of volcanic rock she marked one section of a canyon wall with a different stone that forms a giant “X” spanning from the floor of the canyon to where the rock meets the sky. Supposedly there are only two other “X” markings anywhere else on earth: One is on Easter Island and the other is located in New Zealand. If you were to connect each of these three “Xs” on the map they form a perfect triangle, a phenomenon that has come to be known as the “Polynesian Triangle.” Legend has it Pele created everything that falls within the triangle’s reach, but Kaua’i was her favorite island because of its profound beauty and diversity of plant life. Pretty crazy: Who said you couldn’t learn something new while on vacation?

Shortly after our historical walking tour we hopped back on the Zodiac where we continued to ride waves and rock out to Taylor Swift’s JC’s sick beats as we made our way to the harbor. The day was exhilarating in every way, and while my body was happy to have its equilibrium restored, it was certainly bittersweet as we disembarked and said goodbye to our bad-ass captains that had quickly become friends with their insightful knowledge, genuine passion, and spicy color commentary. I knew this was definitely an excursion to remember.

We made our way back to the resort, refueled, re-caffeinated, and appreciated a little down time before migrating to our next exciting activity. Mom and Dad had made last-minute plans for us to walk to the nearby Hyatt and cap off a perfect day in true Hawaiian fashion: We were going to a luau!

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We all donned our Hawaiian shirts and made our way to the beautiful outdoor venue, where we were greeted with Mai Tais and kukui nut leis.

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IMG_6598The setting was lush, and we settled into a night of great eating, drinking, and dancing. Before the festivities began we jumped in line to receive “tattoos” and had a great deal of fun showing off our new Hawaiian souvenirs.

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Once the hula commenced, we enjoyed learning about the various styles of Polynesian dance and how these dances play specific roles in relaying various aspects of ancient legend and cultural history. At one point, the performers were looking for volunteers, and one of the dancers came into the crowd and selected Ryan as a guest victim to get on stage and prove he could shake what his mamma gave him. Priceless.

We walked back to our hotel admiring the stars[18] and recounting a day in paradise that had been as close to perfect as possible.

Day #7: The Magic of Hanalei Bay

On our last day in paradise we once again drove north, this time to snorkel at Keʻe Beach. We spent hours in the water and lost track of time as we studied various fish and discovered species we had not previously encountered on other excursions. At one point Cam even witnessed two dark brown masses coming towards him near the reef. Fearing the worst—sharks!—he quickly began to turn and swim away until he realized the ambiguous masses weren’t sharks—phew!—but Monk Seals effortlessly torpedoing through the water[19]!

After we had our fill of snorkeling we floated along and had fun using our boogie boards to experiment with flotation physics. Then, we made our way back towards Hanalei Bay so we could walk the beach. We creeped on the house featured in The Descendants and admired it alongside the other multimillion-dollar homes situated in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

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We paused for a picnic and witnessed a most unusual spectacle. Suddenly, a string of expletives exploded from the otherwise tranquil pier, and a woman toting a pile of beach goods and a big floppy hairdo came storming down the walkway in a pyre of raging fury. She vocally continued to unleash her wrath—throwing around expletives like a fish blowing bubbles—and loudly “cursed” anyone she passed[20].

We thought the tirade would end once she had reached the parking lot, but boy were we wrong. She opened her car door, sat in the driver’s seat, proceeded to cut her nails, and then—somehow—found fault with the pleasant-looking family that was exiting the minivan parked next to her, surfboards and young kids in tow. Irritated, the woman aggressively rolled down her windows and began to yell at the family, hurling a litany of expletives their way without any apparent cause or concern for the children present.

“You crazy BLEEP, you BLEEPing BLEEP! BLEEP you: Every last one of you!”

It was quite the spectacle. The woman from the recently arrived minivan—presumably the mom of the group—went over to the screaming woman in what looked like an attempt to make sure this stranger was okay. That didn’t go well. Instead of acting rationally, the vocal local reached into the depths of her car, pulled out a Styrofoam cup containing some sort of liquid, unlatched the lid, and proceeded to hurl its contents into the mother’s face[21]. It was unreal! What was transpiring before our eyes?

With that, the shouting woman proceeded to reverse her vehicle—almost hitting two other cars in the process—and continued to shout and flip people off as she peeled out of the crowded parking lot. Moments later the cops arrived and started to question the minivan family. This was the moment Cam had been waiting for; if nothing else, the scene provided him the perfect opportunity to finally—appropriately—use his favorite Hawaiian phrase: Pupule wahine!

Pupule wahine, indeed.

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Just another day in paradise.

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The rest of the day involved boogie boarding, kayaking down the Hanalei River, and another highly-anticipated stop at JoJo’s for a final round of shave ice. Another complete, beautiful day.

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Day#s 8-9[22]: Back to Reality…Almost

Friday morning involved packing, tidying up, and saying our goodbyes, but not before we experienced one final sunrise on the beach. The warm dawn air was perfect, and we watched the sky change colors while fondly recounting the various memories we had made on our whirlwind adventure of a trip.

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Mom, Dad, and Ryan, had an earlier flight, so Cam and I saw them off and said our goodbyes. Our flight wasn’t scheduled to depart until later that evening, so we spent the rest of the morning riding the waves at Shipwreck Beach before heading back to our resort and hunkering down at the pool for some final hours of sun and relaxation before a marathon of travel.

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We made sure to include several visits to the turtle cove where Honu like to surf the waves and feed on the nearby fish. Sea turtles are perhaps one of my favorite Hawaiian animals, and we spent long stretches of time watching them navigate the water, bob to the surface, and sneak a quick hello. Curiously, one turtle even seemed to raise his front flipper in a sort of wave, symbolizing the perfect way to end our trip and say goodbye to the beautiful Garden Island.

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“Aloha” holds many meanings in the Hawaiian language. For starters, it is often used as a greeting and signifies both “hello” and “goodbye.” I love the dichotomy of this, the cyclical duality it suggests: That hellos and goodbyes continue in perpetuity without any marked beginning or true end. With “aloha” nothing is truly lost. What begins ends and then begins again; humanity persists as part of a larger circle of life.

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If this sentiment weren’t beautiful enough, “aloha” also holds deeper cultural and spiritual significance for native Hawaiians. The true spirit of aloha is that of peace, compassion, grace, and love. To “live aloha,” then, is to live in communion with mind, body, and spirit; to bring each person back to the self in its purest, most beautiful form. To “live aloha” is to find greater harmony and connection with ourselves, our neighbors, and our environment so that we can appreciate true beauty and live our fullest, richest lives.

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What a beautiful thought. Mahalo, Hawaii.

And until we meet again: Aloha.

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[1] Chickens? You betcha! Oddly enough, the island is teeming with chickens, and you cannot escape them anywhere you go. A visit to Spouting Horn? Chickens! Quick stop to the supermarket? Chickens! Sitting at a traffic light? Chickens! So what’s the deal with all the white meat? Notably, chickens are not native to the island; rather, they arrived in a style that closely parallels the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz: A storm let them loose. Hurricane Iniki tore across Hawaii in 1992, destroying chicken coops and releasing thousands of domesticated hens and roosters in its wake. There was little locals could do to round up the newly freed foul (talk about running around like a chicken with your head cut off), and the chickens quickly began to proliferate in a desperate attempt at world island domination. And boy, did their established presence really take off. In fact, feral chickens are so pervasive I would bet KFC is the only restaurant on the island that doesn’t have to pay an arm and a leg for importing its food across the Pacific. In this vein, during our trip it became a running joke to avoid selecting the chicken entrée while dining out in order to avoid any road-to-table type predicaments. Bon appétit. Bet you didn’t envision that in your mental image of Hawaii, did you?

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[2] Busy schedules prevented us from making it through a fraction of the material we had planned to conquer!

[3] Read: Crazy lady.

[4] See: Creating an extensive packing list containing every possible item we could ever need while on vacation and naming it “Aloha, Hawaii.” Pupule wahine.

[5]Because we are so high tech like that… You can practically call us air traffic control!

[6] I’m going to take a brief moment to get on my soapbox and preach about the United Explorer card and everything it has to offer. I have had this card since January, and I couldn’t be happier with it. Not only do you earn miles with every purchase, but you also 1) acquire an extra 40,000 bonus miles after spending a certain amount in the first three months, 2) earn one free checked bag on any United flight (plus one free bag for your guest), 3) receive priority boarding on any United flight (plus free priority boarding for your guest), and 4) secure two complimentary passes (again, one for you, one for your guest) to visit any United Club each year. I couldn’t be more of a fan.

[7] Leave it to Jack to have all the right words…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23iQIe1SsQQ

[8] Rivaling the effects of Old Faithful, the spray can shoot as high as 50 feet in the air!

[9] Not to be confused with shaved ice, Dad.

[10] Note: The UV index here is 11 out of 10. No, I am not kidding. You better have packed a lot of sunscreen!

[11] My favorites include Poipu Estate, Typica, Kaua’i Blue Mountain, and Kaua’i Sunrise. Happy sipping!

[12] I’m talking so early that the numerous Hawaiian roosters were still sound asleep.

[13] For the non-fish eaters in the group!

[14] After all, Clownfish are not native to these waters.

[15] We knew we would return later in the week.

[16] I can vouch that the Coconut/Piñacolada variety is particularly outstanding.

[17] Remember that 11 out of 10 UV index? It’s particularly important here.

[18] And making sure Dad successfully navigated the darkened path after enjoying several Mai Tais…

[19] For good measure he still proceeded to turn around and swim towards shore.

[20] Indeed, we were all damned to hell at least once.

[21] Adding more expletives as she did so. As one does.

[22] Because why limit travel to just one day?

 

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