If you are from the Midwest, have friends or family who are from the Midwest, or have tuned into the news at some point over the last 72 hours, then you are quite familiar with one simple truth: These last several days have been a bit nippy.
Okay, they have been more than a bit nippy: They’ve been downright frigid.
In her hit song, “Let It Go,” Elsa, one of the main characters from Disney’s Frozen, famously sings:
“Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me, anyway.”
Good for you, Elsa. I’m charmed to learn you are impervious to the cold. But I’m here to tell you it damn sure bothers the rest of us.
In fact, the Midwest has been so “bothered” by the cold that countless schools have shut down for the vast majority of the work week, and numerous companies have closed their offices or required employees to work from home. Here in Minneapolis, I have been home from work for three consecutive “cold days,” with temperatures dipping as low as -25°F. Add wind chill into the mix, and we’re looking at a tropical -50°F. Really, Elsa? This wouldn’t bother you?
To be fair, we must take Elsa’s boastful claims of her ability to withstand glacial temperatures with a grain of salt. After all, as we can quickly assess by her winter clothing selections, the woman’s credibility can only stretch so far. That Nordic designer cape you are wearing doesn’t look like it has ever seen a Minnesota winter. Translucent mesh-lined dress? Girl, please. And where are your hat, scarf, boots, gloves, and balaclava, might I add? How did your mother let you out of the house like that, young lady?
With temperatures dipping this low, health concerns rise and winter safety becomes a prime concern. In these hyperboreal conditions, it can take only five minutes for exposed skin to develop signs of frostbite or hypothermia. In other words, this is no joke. In other other words, Elsa’s pipes would be too frozen to belt out the flawless vocals that define her deliciously defiant anthem. Let it go? The cold won’t be letting you go anywhere, honeybuns. At this point in the movie, frostbite should have set in long ago, and instead of cursing her social status and interfamilial conflicts, Elsa should be cursing the poor fashion decisions that led to this most avoidable demise. Way to keep it realistic, Disney.[1]
Okay, that just got dark. Clearly the cold is messing with my head. Like I said: This is no joke.
So, how does one survive these unprecedented weather extremes? Well, for one, you embrace it. Minnesotans are celebrated as avid outdoor enthusiasts, even when the weather causes such a title to become instantly (seemingly) moronic. Just this morning as I was reading with my piping hot cup of coffee, feet snuggled in my buffalo socks, wool blanket draped casually—but not too casually—over my shoulders[2], I looked out the window to see a man running.
In case you didn’t catch that, he was running outside. Gasp! The horror!
While I myself am an avid runner and devoted supporter of all things active, this man had crossed a line I most decidedly would not touch with a nine-foot, well, icicle. As if his outdoor fitness venue was not bad enough, he was “braving[3]” the cold in only a (thin) pullover, jogging tights, and a beanie. As indignant as I wanted to feel from the warm confines of my couch, I wasn’t overly surprised, quite simply because I had seen this very same thing before. This wasn’t my first rodeo into the wild terrain that is the Minnesota psyche.
Unlike other Midwestern cities, Minnesotans don’t shun the cold or complain about it incessantly as they stomp down Michigan Avenue with their heads tucked inside their ubiquitous Canada Goose jackets or put on a public show of indecency as they whine their way through the CTA morning commute[4]. Rather, Minnesotans embrace the cold hard facts of their cold, hard reality and celebrate winter for what it is: A magical season of near-death encounters laced with profound moments of intense beauty and possibility.
Inspired by this can-do attitude, Cam and I decided to brave the cold[5] and seek out a winter attraction the locals had been raving about: The Excelsior Ice Castles.
We had heard the Ice Castles were a must-see item of the season, and, wanting to embrace the true essence of our first Minnesota winter to its fullest extent, we excitedly debated the best date to visit the attraction. Notably, we had talked about visiting the Ice Castles two weekends ago, but we had concluded the single digit temperatures were simply too cold and that we would hold out for a warmer experience.
Ha!
Foolishly thinking the weather would accommodate our plans, we postponed for Friday of last week. When we went to finalize plans and purchase tickets, wouldn’t you know it, the expected temperature dipped even lower, this time to a cool zero degrees at 7:30pm when we had scheduled to arrive. Yet, committed to embracing the true Minnesotan winter spirit, we clicked “submit” on our ticket order and promptly did a warm weather rain dance. We were committed.
Needless to say, we took layering very seriously as we set out to embark on our cold-weather adventure. In fact, Cam and I took layering too seriously, perhaps, elevating it to an aggressive level, and we quickly pulled on as many warm articles of clothing as our parkas would allow. I literally had to lie down and “suck it in[6]” while Cam used both hands to pull my coat zipper in a manner that was strangely reminiscent of witnessing a decked out, heel-clad fashionista frantically straddling her bursting suitcases and praying for the zipper to shut in order to prevent its contents from unraveling in a dramatic heap on the airport floor. By the time I was sufficiently fastened, I could not bring myself to stand of my own volition, and when, with Cam’s help, I finally stood upright I experienced an acute pang of empathy for Ralphie’s younger brother in A Christmas Story. Unable to negotiate my arms to resting position, I waddled my way to the car and hoped for the best.
After intermittent periods of driving with the windows down[7] over the course of our fifteen-minute trek West, we had finally arrived. Cam rolled me out from the passenger’s seat, and together we shuffled our way from downtown Excelsior to the Ice Castles we had heard so much about.
We almost didn’t recognize our friends outside the ticket booth, as they were equally shrouded in protective, identity-obscuring layers. Before entering the attraction, we exchanged furtive glances—Are we nuts? Are we really doing this? Why are we paying to inflict this kind of torture on ourselves?— took a deep collective exhale to build our resolve, and made our way through the icy gates.
Immediately a single thought flashed through my mind: This. Was. Awesome.
While the Ice Castles were most certainly cold—they are made of ice, after all—they were unexpectedly whimsical and charming. A chorus of colors refracted off the frozen walls around us, making me feel like I was caught inside a frozen kaleidoscope. Refrains from the Frozen soundtrack only added to the magic as we explored numerous ice caverns and stared at the stars as we stood surrounded by layers of glowing crystals. We even raced down a technicolor ice slide, unable to feel the wind cut through our layers as we zipped through the air on this fairy-tale contraption. I didn’t regret our decision in the slightest.
Despite the literal breathtaking beauty of our surroundings, the cold soon bested us, and we finally decided to head out and warm up with a beer. [8] As we left the Ice Castles we decided to make one final pit stop and walk[9] on the thoroughly frozen Lake Minnetonka that neighbors the Ice Castles. For a few thrilling moments we frolicked on the frozen tundra and delighted in the fact that we were, again, quite literally, walking on water. We even gawked in amazement as we witnessed several cars drive across the ice mass just for the sheer thrill of it! Cars driving on lakes? Only in Minnesota.
As Cam and I made the short trek to the local brewery, we crossed the street as a white car slowly approached the intersection. We stared at the vehicle, waiting to confirm it would actually stop, and were surprised to see the driver roll down his window and shout, “You want a ride?” Drowning in layers, Cam and I couldn’t see the man clearly, and we both looked at each other in surprised confusion, silently asking—Did that just happen? Receiving a ride offer from friendly strangers as you trudge through the charming streets of downtown Excelsior[10] in the blistering cold? Only in Minnesota.
When we finally defrosted, de-layered, and decided on our beers, we quickly learned that those “friendly strangers” had, in fact, been our friends: We were just too cold to realize it[11]! I guess that is to be expected your when hair freezes: Your cognitive faculties can’t be too far behind!
To conclude our winter adventure, we spent the rest of the evening warm with good friends, good fun[12], and good beer. Nothing sounds more Minnesotan than that.
Life is a bittersweet symphony of surprises. Sometimes you need to endure a little bitter—or a lot of bitter, for that matter—in order to encounter the sweet satisfaction of life’s curious wonders. Sometimes you need to let yourself be bothered—whether it’s by the cold or some alternate impetus. Only on the edge of our comfort zones are we able to encounter untapped potential and discover infinite possibility. It just goes to show that if you put your mind to it, anything is possible.
…With the correct layers, that is.
[1] Don’t worry Frozen fanatics, I’m not bashing Disney: I love Disney. In fact, I may or may not be writing this post as I enjoy a delicious hot beverage out of my Magic Kingdom mug. Relax, Disney fans: We cool.
[2] What can I say? I’m practically the post-card definition of hygge. Sigh.
[3] Notice my use of quotation marks here. Was he really braving the cold? Or was he stupidly rejecting the awe-inspiring lethality of Mother Nature? Bravery and stupidity are commonly confused, but it’s safe to say the phrase “braving the cold” simply doesn’t work here.
[4] Here’s to you, Chicago. I’m not calling you out or anything. It can’t be a call-out if we both know it’s true.
[5] When we do it, it’s brave. Bravery and stupidity are commonly confused, but it’s safe to say the phrase “braving the cold” actually works quite well here.
[6] Have you ever tried to suck in five layers of fleece and wool? Let me tell you, it’s not easy.
[7] Cam is infamous for his distinct ability to run warm. In its unmolested state, his body temperature rivals that of a furnace. Add several layers of warm winter clothing, and Cam’s car experience was anything but pleasant, causing him to roll down the windows and let the frosty winds soothe his ailments… which, for me, was anything but pleasant. Unconvinced? See his winter fashion choice below. Balaclava and short sleeves? Cam’s body works in mysterious ways.
[8] Which, if you ask any good Minnesotan, is the best way to warm up.
[9] Read skate, skip, dance.
[10] Speaking of charming, check out these quaint, wildly inventive street decorations. Nothing says, “we embrace the cold” quite like using winter as a primary medium in your exterior decorating.
[11] For the record, I still plan to stick with the “friendly strangers” version: It makes for a better story!
[12] Ever play the board game, “Organ Attack?” Try it. You won’t be sorry.
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